Today’s Judgements and Assumptions

Here is a post about todays society that we live in that like to judge and make assumptions based on what they see and think.

First I ask you to take a look at this picture

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Now most people look at me and automatically assume I am young 18 or under Most of the time so image when they see me with my kids Here is a picture

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Now that picture is the only one I really have with my kids so most people looking at that picture would actually think how nice.

However there is a lot of ignorance and judgement and assumptions in today’s world why ?

let me tell you

Firstly when I had my first child I was 18 I did look around 14 at the time.

So people judged me I would get stared at and snide comments as people walked past me about How young I was and How I was a kid having A kid.  Not many people would have though She looks young wonder how old she is the majority always seemed to comment about me looking like a baby bringing up a baby.

Which brings me onto the next thing, People automatically judged me as a mum a few people I heard say “that poor child having a kid as a mum” Another saying “I bet that kid has a bad upbringing”

Not many people again though just maybe she is a good mum or maybe she’s a better mum then the 26+ year old mums. No they automatically assumed I was young and stupid and my child would suffer from it.

So when I turned 24 I had twin girls.  But been 24 did not stop the judgements.  I of cause for the questions and wow twins but I would also hear people mutter look at her and she only looks about 16.  Again not one person though to ask me how old I was or say to me you don’t look old enough to have kids.  Instead they made their Judgement comments behind their backs.

Not long after I had another daughter I was now 25 and I had 4 kids 3 of which where under 2.  This caused more assumptions and some harmful comments.

At one point even with just the 3 younger kids a van drove past and they called out the window “Dirty slut”  How nice to pass judgement on someone and call them a disgusting name in front of their kids without giving them a chance to tell you how wrong you are.  During this time I had people stare at me and whisper about how I was to young to have kids,  and did I even know who the dad where.  Granted some people came and spoke to me by this point but still looked shocked when I said yes all 4 children are mine.  Once on a bus I had the baby in the buggy and the twins sat on my knee when someone walked past as they where getting off and said “disgraceful babies been brought up by kids with no sense”  When I pipped up and said I was 24 the reply was “As if anyone is going to believe that”

So no shock then when I had my 5th baby at 25 that it got increasing worse.

Now comments where more like “OMG look at her there” “Wow surely they can not be hers shes only a kid”  And the worst two ” Wonder who the dads are I bet she has no idea” and “All for benefits them kids are suffering so she can gain money”

You see all those assumptions are wrong in some way or another.  No one ever thinks, Maybe just maybe she’s older then she looks or Maybe she knows who the dads are or that they have the same dad and are still together.  No instead they walk by and pass judgement and wonder why today’s children are the same it is not because the system or schools are failing them it is because every day they see and hear adults who are meant to set and example judging and passing rude remarks about people they have never seen before.

I women in tesco a few weeks ago when I had 2 of the kids with me walked by and made a snide comment about how I had them for the money.  Not one person would think that I run my own business.  Just like not many people would think that all 5 of my kids have the same dad and we have been together for near 10 years.

People assume that because I have 5 kids my children suffer because I can not spend the time they need with them when I can.  They assume my kids are just left to do what ever because I had them for money.  When really they are very smart for their age because I help them every day and try teach them.  When my daughter is in hospital because she has a bad chest and asthma people look and make assumptions that she’s in there because of something I have done.  When all the time it is a illness that I have not caused.

For ages I struggled to go out with all 5 kids even with my partner because people still passed remarks,  people do not think they are doing any real harm passing judgements or snide comments but you are and you would not like others doing it to you.  I now am able to go out with all 5 kids by myself I do still feel a little anxious of what people are saying but now when I hear their remarks I tell them straight  OK they may not like what I say because it makes them look bad of others or they do not like what I say because deep down they wished I was lying because then they would be right.

Todays world is passing judgements on people they do not know and making nasty remarks about people without knowing their life or their situation.  People wonder why kids now in the playground say things behind other kids backs that is not true and hurtful they wonder why kids automatically assume that girl there who never has her hair brushed is a tramp when really her parents can not be bothered to help her get ready in the morning.

You wonder why that child picked on a man who was disabled maybe just maybe it is because they seen a adult made a snide remark they though was funny.  Remember that time the little girl walked passed you and you pulled your daughter away from her because the little girl had a disability that made her look different well now your daughter is going to do the same as she grows up.

Every day people pass judgements and snide comments which are not just wrong but harmful and hurt people.  We want our children to grow up to be polite and respect each other but the awful truth is 8 out of 10 kids will not because they will see this hate, judgement and discrimination growing up either by family or strangers and do the same.

So remember next time you see a young mum or who looks like a young mum, or you walk passed someone who smells like they don’t get a wash, or see kids with nits in their hair or a women 5 x the size she should be that it is not right to pass judgement just because you believe you are right or like the idea of picking people out of the crowd to judge and make fun of.  Even if you do get it right and she is a young stupid mum who did it for the money, that does not give you a stranger the right to pass judgements so remember next time that what your thinking or whispering could very well be wrong!

So that is my thoughts on judgements and assumptions what are yours? Are you guilty of it and now wondering what if I was wrong? Or have you had someone pass judgements on you let us know by replying.

And for those who are interested my business is http://www.thefunhouseuk.co.uk it is a working progress but it helps put food on the table for my kids.

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